Practiced but still not Perfect

Many of you young whippersnappers have gone from reading spanking stories to dipping your toes into a spanking relationship this year.  First of all, congratulations!  It’s scary to hand over control to someone else even when it’s a lovely person that you enjoy being with.  But I could bet that not everything has gone perfectly smooth, has it?

When it comes down to it, we’re simply people with similar interests.  While one person wants to enjoy fun light-hearted spankings, another wants spanking as a way of achieving her goals in life.  Neither of these is any better or worse than another, it’s just a preference.

Maybe you’ve found a great spanking partner but you can’t seem to quit making mistakes that earn you punishment spankings.  Quite possibly, you feel compelled to screw up sometimes just to see what happens.  Again, this isn’t a terrible thing.  I believe it’s quite common for a Brat to push her Top when they first move into a spanking relationship.  You simply want to know that the consistency and accountability you crave is gonna be there for you.  As a new Top, it can be overwhelming to have a Brat continue to push your buttons over so many things, particularly if you are new at topping in general.

Tigger and I laugh about it now, but I literally had to ask an experienced Top for help when I first began topping Tigger.   She was really frustrated and anxious before she ever asked for help.  Coupled with all of it being new to me and a long distance relationship, I felt about as effective as a mosquito bite for helping Tigger attain the calm she needed.  I actually began maintaining a list of punishments she was in the midst of to ensure I kept track of everything.

Looking back it’s funny but at the time I didn’t know that taking away her Kindle was the equivalent of a nuclear bomb while no TV was no problem as she rarely turned it on anyway.  Spankings were frequent but I didn’t understand the duration or intensity that was appropriate for her.  I found out later that she was asking another Top how to entice me to more intense punishment sessions.

I just want you all to know that it’s not supposed to be perfect whether it’s a new relationship or an established one.  So don’t beat yourself up when you make a mistake.  This is just another reason why we always preach communicating with each other.  The Brat needs to help the Top understand what she needs.  Sure, it may be embarrassing but just remember that the Top is trying to do what works for you.  Since she isn’t a mind reader, she is looking for what works.  Help her out by simply talking to her.  Now I suggest that you talk at a time other than when you’re across her lap.  That’s a quick way to  hear “you’re topping from the bottom.”

The Top needs to be receptive to the Brat expressing her needs.  And she should also be honest in explaining to the Brat if she is feeling overwhelmed.  Whether friends or lovers, the spanking is just a PART of your relationship.  Both of you want to be good to each other so keep that in mind when you’re talking about sensitive things.

Last but not least, relax, and enjoy each other.  You’re all special women and deserve to be happy.  Don’t worry about perfection and just enjoy the ride.  It’s the ride that is worthwhile anyway.

Happy Spanking

Anna

 

 

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31 thoughts on “Practiced but still not Perfect

  1. First, I echo Micah’s congratulations to all the newly spanked! I remember well how wonderful it was to find out it WAS as hot as I knew it could be. 😀 Second, to all those who have yet to be spanked, don’t despair — your day will come. Maybe you can save your pennies and send Micah/Anna around the world to visit! *LOL* I can just see her dispensing spankings like a kinky Santa, can’t you?

    Great post, Micah. Encouraging and wise. Finding and sharing that special relationship can be tricky at times, but the “end results” are sooo worth it! 😉

    Liked by 4 people

    1. You know Alyx the best part about sending Micah around the world would be how red her face got every time they checked the contents of her luggage! 😁😂😂

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Thanks for the comments, Alyx. I’m glad you mentioned those that haven’t yet been in a spanking relationship. As such a ‘late bloomer’ in the world of spanking, I’m definitely not a good source for finding someone easily and quickly. I found Tigger on a forum and she was the one that contacted me and helped me dip my toe in. Thank goodness she isn’t shy or neither of us would have ever broken the ice.

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  2. I’d like to know more about this “topping from the bottom” concept. I think I might be doing it more often than I realize…

    (Sorry for the short reply, I’d like to say more but I don’t have my laptop and I just woke up 😜)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ahhhh well El it is when the bottom tells the Top how to do their job. 😉 Usually with the intention of getting what they ‘want’ versus what they truly ‘need’.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I had replied to this but now I can’t see the message. I wonder if Micah blacklisted me again 😝 I was asking…how do you realize you’re doing that and stop? How do you tell if it’s that or feeling uncomfortable about, say, receiving certain consequences?

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    2. Before I talk about ‘topping from the bottom’ let me say that anyone is free to explain it differently. As creative as some of the brats are, I think topping from the bottom is employed frequently, and sometimes subtly enough that the Top doesn’t catch it.
      The Top/Bottom relationship involves an exchange of power at times. In the most casual spanking relationship, it can be that the Bottom gives control just during a light-hearted spanking. For others, much more control can be given to the Top. For instance, if a Top and Brat have decided that the Brat has a bedtime at 11 pm. Then the Top will have the power to decide a punishment for the Brat when she breaks that rule. The punishment would be at the discretion of the Top including the implement used and the length and intensity of the spanking. Of course, I always recommend that the Top/Brat have discussed hard limits, etc in a conversation prior to the rule having been broken.

      Topping from the bottom could be that the Brat tries to control the Top’s method of punishment or even the spanking itself. For instance, the brat might feel like the spanking is too mild so she begins cursing or refusing to be still, or in some way make the Top decide to administer a more stern spanking. She may decide she doesn’t want a spanking at all or decide she wants her bedtime to be midnight rather than 11 pm. Believe me, I know a couple of brats that try that trick (looking sternly a couple of you).
      The point is, the Brat wants to retain some or all of the control rather than give it to the Top. The irony is that in the ‘heat’ of the moment, she wants the control back. But then, if she is successful, my experience is that the Brat feels frustrated that she could manipulate the Top. That’s one reason a safeword is needed. The Top and Brat both understand that if the Brat truly feels things aren’t right and the spanking shouldn’t move forward then the safeword will halt things. However, it’s important that it be used sparingly or it becomes like the boy that cries wolf. It loses its meaning.

      I hope this helps, Ellie. I hope that others will jump in and talk about it and that you, Ellie, will ask questions that I haven’t answered.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I never used my words and that’s an entire different things in itself I have opinions about, however I do tend to top from the bottom without realizing that and I’m not sure how to stop it. I – uhm – blushed at your examples cause it were so fitting, all of them, including the frustration afterwards. I feel like I make life hard for the both of us sometimes. I probably am really a terrible brat lol.
        However, bedtime is always better later than earlier 😜

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        1. Several things my Ellie girl, first you are not a terrible brat at all and please don’t ever think or speak of yourself as being one. *narrowing my eyes at you but giving you a tight hug as well*

          I think something for you to remember and possibly everyone is that each and every person and each and every relationship is unique. Not only that but people’s needs, moods and even their limits can change sometimes on a daily bases. I think the most important thing Micah has said is communicate. As a top I’d much rather have a uncomfortable conversation today rather than heartbreak tomorrow.

          However, I will say Micah’s example of not staying still immediately brought to my mind you! 😉

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Can’t make promises on the thinking side 😜

            I can tell though that as a brat I’d rather avoid both the uncomfortable chat now and the heartbreak later. However I expect the latter to come at some point in the relationship.

            However I beg to differ, I do stay still!!! Jojo squirms more.

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        2. Let me try to answer you’re questions, Ellie. You said:
          I do tend to top from the bottom without realizing that and I’m not sure how to stop it.
          I– uhm – blushed at your examples cause it were so fitting, all of them, including
          the frustration afterwards.

          Since you’re frustrated afterwards, it sounds like you are squirming out of your proper punishment. I wonder if it’s verbally? Making excuses? Saying it was an accident or something similar?
          This is just a suggestion but it’s between you and your Top. Talk about it and decide if you want to be able to wriggle and squirm so the Top can be more stern or if you simply have difficulty submitting. To be more stern, it can be increased severity of the spanking whether by implement or duration, or simply stern words. Whether it’s wanting her to be more stern or difficulty submitting, getting into a more submissive mindset might help. Corner time works wonders for that. The Top can sit and watch to ensure you stay still. Any movement means a scolding and possibly longer time to think about things.
          A warmup spanking not only helps the skin prepare for the main event, it focuses the Brat as well. This combined with corner timer can really bring the spanking into focus for the Brat and the Top.

          If I haven’t hit on the right answer for your questions, Ellie, or you have trouble discussing it, maybe you could write a scene in which the Top and Brat show the attitudes and actions you need. Show it to the Top and let her ask you questions. I think you’ll end up opening up to a discussion and you can both understand things better.

          The same thing goes for the Top. Talk to the Brat about potential implements that will get your point across. Perhaps a rule should be ‘staying in position without moving’ during the spanking or an extra 25 swats is added.
          Having the brat count out loud can keep her focused on the spanking so she is less likely to try and talk about something else. Sometimes I will place the implement across the Brat’s bottom and she must keep it balanced while I scold. It keeps her focused on her upcoming punishment and (hopefully) what I’m saying. Asking questions while I’m scolding also keeps her focused on what I’m saying.

          All these things are just some tricks I’ve used to help my squirmy Brat focus and know I’m in control.

          Anyone else got any tricks? I’m all ears as Tigger is a squirmy Brat (winking at Tigger)

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          1. Well, dear meanie Micah, as I read your list of suggestions I must admit I grew restless and rebellious, and, by the time I finished reading, I felt pouty and outraged. This is what I mean when I say I maybe top from the bottom, or simply drive my top crazy. Most of the time, my instinct is to fight this. I have experienced some of the tricks, but they work when I’m not in a mood. When I have trouble submitting, and that’s most often, then I just can’t “snap out of it” or make myself more submissive 😕 Logan and I have sometimes discussed whether submission is a choice or not. One of us thinks it is something you choose, the other that it’s beyond control. Truth probably lies in the middle. Thing is, it can frustrates us both and cause us to feel overwhelmed.

            As for the squirming out of punishments…I’m not sure about that, as my style is less frequently so subtle. I won’t make excuse, I’ll go on and say explicitly why I think I shouldn’t be punished for something, and sulk and be upset if I get it anyway. At the same time, I can’t bring myself to use my words, partly because I don’t want to hurt the other and partly because clearly some bit of me doesn’t want off the hook. Then maybe there is a side that feels I don’t deserve out, or one that’s too proud to call word. All of these feelings and emotions are often mixed, and on top of that there is my difficulty in communicating. When I’m too torn on something or simply feel attacked, even partly, I tend to shut down. I won’t talk, I won’t even be able to think as I end up in this dense silence in and out…which of course draws the other crazy, because she can’t read my mind.

            I don’t know how she bears with me but I’m ever so grateful she didn’t drop me or send me to hell yet.

            However, to make things a little lighter again, I do hope she doesn’t take your suggestions too seriously 😜

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  3. Thanks for this post Anna. As a late bloomer like you, I couldn’t agree more that communication is so important.

    If I had done a better job of that I would have had a better transition into it with my partner.

    As it is we are learning all the time and figuring out what works for us. Sometimes it’s not easy but with a little effort and communication the payoff is huge!😁

    Topping from the bottom? I don’t know what you’re talking about!😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Communication really is the key, isn’t it? Tigger and I are about to start using the idea you came up with, Clare. We’ve purchased a small whiteboard and will both check it each day. If Tigger needs attention and has trouble telling me, she can simply check a box on the whiteboard and I will know. It’s easier for both of us that way. You and your partner had a wonderful idea when you came up with that one.
      During this conversation I’ve through about those that have the spanking relationship using Skype. It seems to me that there could be a particular emoji that the Brat could post so the Top would know she needs some attention. Long distance is so much more difficult than face to face as so many visible cues are missed. It can be frustrating for both the Top and Brat.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I like the idea, however I think there might be a little issue there that should be overcome first, the “fear” (which more than fear is like a resistance, a fear of feeling guilty and burdensome) of asking for attention.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Think of it this way, Ellie. Your Top is not simply helping you out of the kindness of her heart. She also enjoys the spanking relationship. So worrying about being a burden isn’t necessary. Believe me, my toppy instincts come out every time you tease me. (grinning at you). Just TRY to relax and talk to your Top. Maybe she likes the idea of an emoji as it keeps her from trying to figure out if you need a spanking or not.
          The point of my post is that it’s OK if you try something and it isn’t right for you. Just relax and enjoy the relationship. As a fellow Switch I understand it’s difficult to submit. But since you’re currently the Bottom in the relationship, the Top totally understand that you’re needing to be spanked and she is there as a willing partner with you.

          RELAX!!!!
          Swat!

          Liked by 2 people

          1. Lol – it’s not hard to make you all swatty!!! You constantly itch! I think your brats must be so tame lately if you have such itchy palms 😇 Right CJ?

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    2. Hey Claire, your words picked my attention. On what topics you would make sure to communicate better if you could go back?

      So as to not stick my nose in your business, I’ll try to ask the question differently: what would you advice new brats and tops to communicate about to ensure a better transition?

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  4. Thank you Anna for this post and for the advice and guidance of this past year or so! (And CJ and probably Alyx too!) I’m sure I’ve bugged you to death at times with my questions about this topping business. I’ll eventually get learned lol. 😉

    I think you are very correct. Perfection doesn’t happen in reality we get tired, ill, sick or even overwhelmed. As a top if I get consumed with trying to be perfect and have perfect days that usually means I’ll end up messing up more than when I admit I’m human!

    This is also a reminder to me to step back a moment and marvel at how far both of my brats have come and how far I’ve come as well. It’s makes me appreciate what I have and the women I’ve gotten to know!

    As for the new folks in spanky relationships… Congrats! Have fun! Laugh when you can! Remind your partner how much you care about them! And lastly, my words for any new tops that are about… I won’t say it’ll get easier, because inevitably your brat will find new buttons to push (staring at Ellie Rogue again who has to push ever literal button she finds in public much to my demise) and new tactics to try, but it will become less daunting and more natural. You will build a inventory of knowledge to pull from and feel more sure of the choices you make. So relax and enjoy every new experience you are getting!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. It’s amazing how much more relaxed we can get as we learn more about each other. As I became more confident and therefore, more effective for Tigger, she became more calm, which in turn, made me more calm. Sometimes it’s just about getting to know each other better and trying new things.

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  6. I’m glad some of you brought up people who have never experienced anything close to TTWD yet, maybe aside from the virtual. I think in this post some of the ups and downs of being in a relationship like that show up, but there are ups and downs of not being in a relationship as well. In any case hearing of all the late bloomers makes me feel hopeful that there is out there a fine match for everyone.

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  7. Hey guys, have any of you heard from Anastasia or Alex? Or are you reading this , A and A? In that case, are you ok? I worry because of the terrible bushfires in Greece.😢

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    1. I wanted to give Anastasia and Alexia time to reply, Robin but since they haven’t I will try to reach them through email. If I get a reply, I’ll pass it on to everyone. Thank you for reaching out, hon.

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  8. Umm…….I wrote an email to Alexia and Anastasia on July 25 and still haven’t heard from them. Of course, this doesn’t automatically mean something terrible has happened. I just worry about them. I read articles about the speed of the fire and how so many moved to the sea to escape the flames and then drowned.
    It’s a horrible tragedy for so many people, for those that died or have loved ones that died. I will send another email.

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    1. Oh My. Its worrying indeed that they did not answer. However Its probably lots of difficulties because of the disaster there and they might not have possibility or time to keep in touch with us and that could be the reason. Hope to hear from them soon though.
      Hugs and Thank you for trying again Micah!

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      1. Let’s hope they are well away from the disaster area. They could be on holiday though, which may be a reason as to why they haven’t responded back. Thanks for trying to contact them Micah.

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    2. That’s a bit concerning. I hope they aren’t anywhere near the problem areas. I really, really hope someone hears something from them soon…Thanks for trying Micah

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