I’m creating this page as a place to ask questions and get answers to your questions.  This will give all blog members a chance to bring up serious topics rather than waiting for me to post something.  Freya is actually the inspiration behind creating this page.  Below is her message to everyone.

Hello ladies!
Havent written anything in here for a long time. I have been thinking a lot and now i have some questions again lol.
I hope I will not make anyone unconfortable with anything i write, If so i apologize in advanced.
I have been thinking about If there is a chance we could have a more serious thread. There we could ask questions, give eachother advices, tell ppl how we solved different things.
Just thinking that it could be good for everyone. I just think if other can avoid some of the sink holes me and Robin ended in, that would be good.
To share eachother experiences could benefit others. I just mean that some hurtful mistakes can be avoid.
What do you think about this idea?


So what is the first question for us to discuss?


217 thoughts on “Q and A

  1. I honestly don’t know if there is anything I’d tell myself to do differently. I risked when I thought it was the time and I can’t regret it, even if it’s not always been the best, smartest or most sensible thing to do.

    If there is something I’ve figured out in time though is…don’t assume anything about your needs in TTWD. I think the “not throwing yourself into a relationship” doesn’t just work for Tops, but it probably works for brats too. Not all brats and Tops share the same needs and/or ideas about life, the world, what’s right and wrong. Sometimes a brat may need to be playfully spanked but the Top is more into the controlling/overprotective style. Or vice-versa. A Top might think the brat just wants playful spankings when the brat maybe wants more attention.

    Last but not least, never, ever assume your needs will always remain the same. I think it is normal that needs change over time, not just during the years but even daily, just like the mood.

    At times when they change it is easy to get scared, I believe. Probably good to talk that out with the other before freaking out.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Okay so I was chatting with Tigger about a couple of things and she suggest I post the question here.

    We were talking about if spankings ever bring us to tears like so many heroines in our spanking romance stories.

    The answer for both of us was No. A spanking alone has never caused that. Maybe we are emotional during the scolding or disappointed in ourselves for not achieving a goal but the act of the spankings itself has not brought us to tears.

    So I was curious if this was the norm or the exception? In RL if we do not cry during a spanking then why do we have it in our stories?

    Would like to know everyone’s thoughts on this?

    Oh, and just for clarification, I am in no way suggesting our Tops are too soft on us!😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh gee, and I wondered if I was weird because I could never ever cry.

      To be honest, one of my deepest “wishes” is to be brought to tears with a spanking, mostly because I associate it with a moment of complete “letting go”, release and catharsis. But perhaps it’s connected to the emotional side of it. It really is hard to go anywhere near tears just with a spanking.


    2. Heya Claire,

      Neither from the top or bottom preceptive have I ever experienced tears from a spanking alone. (In fact, I’d probably freak out a bit if I was spanking someone who started to cry randomly.) I think the only time I have is as you said… from a lecture before or during aftercare and those times are very rare.

      I’ve read something interesting Dana Kane has said about this. (Dana Kane is a spanker that does videos and stuff for spanking tube and has written several books about spanking.) She basically says as adults we aren’t wired to cry because of pain in most cases. As kids, we do cry when we scrap our knee or are sick, however as we mature we are taught not to do this by parents, teachers, and society in general. This is why most of the time we don’t cry during spankings, but we do cry during emotional times before and after because we are trained to think of it as acceptable.

      As for stories, I think we like to see the ideal scenario, which is why the heroine cries. It’s because we wish we could let go and cry like that.


  3. Yes Ellie, I think you’re right about the ‘letting go’. It’s interesting because I definitrly shared your wish and thought that a ‘real’ spanking was meant to bring you to tears but in reality I don’t think that’s the case. At least for me?

    I think we tend to write it in our stories because it’s an easy way to show that catharsis release, or ‘letting go.’

    Liked by 1 person

  4. All true. However, you know what’s strange? I remember fantasizing about it and the crying being an important part of it when I was still innocent and had never read any spanking story. It just felt like a natural part of the whole thing. Anyone else shares similar memories?

    (Not that I am currently less innocent 😇)

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Maybe that’s why we need it written in our stories, because in RL we find it difficult to let go totally, although in the stories, generally there’s nothing written about how red your eyes are and all the snot running down your face (which is usually what happens when you cry lol).

    I don’t remember being spanked to tears, although LT reminded me that there was an occasion when I cried, but that was because home life was very difficult and I needed the release from a spanking and I was interrupted.

    The other spankings I’ve had in RL I’ve not cried, but I’ve done a lot of yelling, and the occasional ‘f’ word. I find it hard not swearing, although I try not to. I also have this penchant for giggling, I think it’s a nervous reaction, or the situation that I find myself in, despite the fact that it bl@@dy well hurts. That usually happens if I’m in the corner though, and not during the actual spanking itself.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Good point Jojo, the snot and the red eyes doesn’t really make for good reading does it!😂

      I tend to do a fair bit of grunting and groaning and even laughing too!


  6. Great question Clare. I have spanked Tigger and made her cry many times but never from pain. I personally don’t want to cause someone so much pain that it makes them cry. For me, it’s all about headspace. I think Logan said it very well, at least for me, anyway.
    I put Tigger into subspace once, and she said felt herself going into it just when she thought she couldn’t take anything else and would have soon used her safe word. That means she was dealing with as much pain as she could handle yet still didn’t cry.

    Now, of course, it’s possible to spank until the spankee cries. After all, there are some pretty fierce implements out there and the one that is spanking can last longer than the brat’s bottom. But what is it you’re looking for in a spanking? Remember the discussion about different types of Tops and Bottoms? A Sadist would love to hear the cries of a brat. A Masochist would love every stroke of the implement. But those are only a couple of the ‘categories’. What about the nurturing Top? The Brat that simply wants more structure?

    I think it’s important for each person to think about what she really wants from the relationship. Fantasy can have whatever you want…..but a real-life spanking relationship is totally different for most of us.

    Just my two cents worth…

    Liked by 1 person

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